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April 9th, 2005


02:20 pm - ummmmmmmmmm.....
update
I never update


why is YOUR livejournal annoying?
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Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: jet--look what you've done

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March 29th, 2005


09:08 pm - wooooooooo
WOW, last night was fucking awesome!
went to the "taste of chaos" concert in San Jose with Senses Fail, the Used, My Chemical Romance...and more! Man, I'm still exicited, I don't even know why...I mean it's just a concert, right? Just a few people standing on a stage right in front of you playing some music, right?
Eeeeeehk! wrong answer!!!
Concerts are the greatest thing ever..I just love it...the people, the music, the athmosphere...EVERYTHING!
It's been way too long since I've been to one and seriously---it was neccessary!
I had a great time last night and I'm really glad I went...

even though I still feel kinda bad cause i took Brittany's ticket..
Sorry you couldn't go Britt...
When you come visit me in Germany I'll take you to a concert as great as that one, maybe better!
PROMISE!
...and there'll be nobody who thinks it's evil but BAD ASS!!!

Heck yes!

<333
Current Mood: hyperwaaaaaaaa
Current Music: the Used--all that I've got

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February 2nd, 2005


02:53 am - Sing me something soft, sad and delicate, we're loud and out of key, sing me anything...
I haven't posted for a long time so here it goes...
I came home late tonight. Fifteen minutes after my curfew i was about to open the front door when pam called me, asking where I was. She got hella mad at me, I mean you couldn't really hear that on the phone, but I could just tell. I know her pretty well by now. She doesn't get mad very easy but once she is ----HALLELUJA!

I just got told by a guy today that he liked me and I hated it cause I felt bad telling him that I don't feel the same way. Stuff like that destroyes friendships...
It happened alot to me lately -- that the wrong guys, may it be friends or not, start to like me. And when I say "the wrong guys" I mean that I like them, sure, but just as a friend...I hate these kind of conversations, because i don't know what to say...to make it not sound so bad for them...
On the other hand....guys that I like don't feel the same way....Maekkk
A lot of people told me that they don't want to start anything with me because they know I'm going back to Germany in July....they want a long term relationship and don't want to get hurt when I'm leaving...bleh...and that really sucks!!!I mean, sure, I understand it but still...why can't people just live their lives right now,live the moment without worrying about the long term?!
I NEED LOVE!!!
Some days i just want to stay forever...

Alright, that's enough blahhhhhhhhhh---
I can't do anything about it, can I?!


"You would kill for this,
just a little bit, just a little bit,
you would...you would..."
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Stray Light Run-on prom night

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January 30th, 2005


01:23 am - GEEEEEZ!
It is a Saturday night. It's weekend, something I've been looking forward to for five days just because I can lean back and don't have to worry about school or not getting enough sleep or anything. And now I'm sitting at home, absolutely NOT tired and have nowhere to go. All the people I've called are either drunk or have to stay at home...
And I'm mad because certain people seem to interpret friendship in another way than I do and I feel so stupid thinking we were close friends when nothing comes back...
I really care about people which I consider as good friends and I would do anything for them but I want to have the feeling that they care about me, too. That they not just call me when they're bored or have nothing better to do...
It's kinda disappointing but I guess that's just the way it is.
You can't change people when they won't let you talk to them and when they don't understand. I don't know, it's hard to explain.

BLeeeeeeeeeeehhh!
This weekend sort of sucked...but not every day can be great, right?!
And we have to deal with that, right?!

Well I think I have no choice, so I'm going to bed now...

goodbye
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Current Music: none thanks

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January 26th, 2005


08:06 pm - HMPF!
MAEHHHHHHHHHHHKKKK!!!!!

I'm supposed to do my freaking spanish-project-familytree-thingy but I can't think about anything that makes me actually want to do this!!!So I'm trying to kill time sitting on the computer and posting stupid entries like that...

BLEEEHHHHHHHHHH!

anyways, goodbye
Current Mood: workingworking
Current Music: Nick's Ringtone is stuck in my head

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January 16th, 2005


01:34 pm - even if you could...
Turn back time

Only you can make me happy
I'm waiting for a sign
Standing in a crowd of people
Childhood left behind

[You can't turn back time
Pain let's you know that you're alive
There's no way to find
Even if you could turn back time]

You never said you'll leave me
I can't believe you're gone
I've lost myself
That's the risk of having fun

[You can't turn back time
Pain let's you know that you're alive
There's no way to find
Even if you could turn back time]

- You said you're scared,
You said you're alone
You said that you would stay forever
Now I know that you've been wrong -

[You can't turn back time
Pain let's you know that you're alive
There's no way to find
Even if you could turn back time]


To a friend,
I miss you
Current Mood: sadthinking too much
Current Music: my band--turn back time

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January 11th, 2005


05:39 pm - woo hoo
surprise
You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p


What kind of kiss are you?
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Current Mood: okayokay
Current Music: none, thanks

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January 10th, 2005


11:02 pm - Bleh
Another Bleh day has gone by. I don't know what's wrong with me lately, I'm kinda depressed and sad.
I don't even really know why...
I try to not show it, try to be like I always seem to be--happy and lively--, so people won't ask me stupid questions about homesickness and all this crap--that's not it. It might be a little tiny part of it somewhere deep inside of me but mainly that's not it!

I hate going to school, cause none of my real friends are there.
Everyday the same classes with the same stupid people asking the same stupid questions

[do you speak german? --what do you think-GOSH!-idiot!
How do you say my name in german? --names don't change, damnit!
Do you have trains in Germany? --I live in Germany, not on the moon!!]

My mom always said there is no single dumb question, well if that isn't dumb what is it then? Hidden Intelligence just waiting to be let out?

I guess not even moms know everything...lol

Broke up with my boyfriend in Germany yesterday. I thought about that a very long time and I figured that I simply don't love him anymore...hope I did the right thing. I didn't want to fool him telling him I love him when it's not true...and it hurts saying I love u when you don't mean it.
I don't know what happened, maybe it's because I'm so far away from him and experienced so many new things, that these feelings kinda stopped my feelings for him...
I hope it's not too hard for him...I feel so sorry but that doesn't do anything for him,I know that...
And I know, that he was my first real love...

anyways

gotta go to bed now
gettin' ready for another day dealing with things I don't want do deal with...

But does somebody ask me what I want? Do I have a choice?



It's time to leave this town,
It's time to steal away
Let's go get lost anywhere in the USA
Let's go get lost, let's go get lost
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Red Hot CHili Peppers-Road Trippin'

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January 4th, 2005


10:38 pm - WOO HOO!
I can't believe today is my birthday!
That means I'm here for more than 3 month already!
Damn, time goes so fast when you enjoy your life...
I had a real nice birthday..I didn't expect so much people thinking of me!
I start to realize that people actually like me here!

And Nick if you read this--again: thank you so much for the ballon-thingy today in school!I really almost started crying when I came into the Attendence office and there were a bunch of balloons waiting for me, that was great...

Had a great day, thank you guys so much

<3333333333333333 love ya
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: BLack Eyed Peas-let's get retarded

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January 3rd, 2005


12:35 am - Sometimes there are these days when you just feel BLEH
Today was one of these days. I don't know why...I hung out with friends like usual but today wasn't really a good day for me.
I've had this a few times since I came here.
I don't know if there's actually a good reason but I feel just sad and unloved.
I remember the "old" days back home in Good Old Germany, where all my friends are that I've known forever, and that I would feel alot better now if I could be with them.
Not that I don't have friends here...but that's still a different thing.
I like to meet new people and everything but you always feel even more comfortable talking about problems and stuff like that with people that you've known for such a long time that you can't remember than with someone you've just met 3 month ago.
When I have these moments I could cry because I feel so lonely and I don't know what to do. Sitting on my bed looking at old pictures won't help, I know that...but I still do it sometimes.
And then I try to remember that in general I really enjoy beeing here and I keep telling myself 'hey, you'll get over it'.
But sometimes that's still not enough.....
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: three days grace - I hate everything about you

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